Your love by the new rules
Passionate sex 10 years after the wedding? This is possible, experts say "DO".
Long and tender relationships give us a lot of positive things. These are joint memories, and the opportunity to count on each other in any situation, and, of course, real intimacy, which is possible only thanks to the years spent together. You have studied each other perfectly and know what pleases your half. And yet, few happy spouses from time to time do not recall with mild sadness those passions that once raged. Psychologists believe that this spark in a relationship is quite possible to return. And to do this is not so difficult. And one more good news: in order for passion to flare up again between you, it is not necessary to go to a sex shop.
KEEPING DISTANCEOld rule: take care of your husband. New rule: take care of yourself and only then about your husband.
You are the best friends, partners, you are soul mates, and many friends consider you an ideal couple. And, although such relationships are very warm and reliable, they have little sexual. Proximity, stability, confidence in the future - all these pluses that give us a long-term relationship are able to reduce passion and desire to a minimum over time. In order to have a spark in the relationship, it is necessary to maintain at least a small part of the independence that each of you had before the wedding. Judge for yourself: if you are too accessible and at any moment ready to rush to the rescue of your husband, then become a read book, about which everything has long been known. Would you like to flip through such a book again?
A small distance - both emotional and physical - is simply necessary in marriage, because it allows a man to remain a "hunter", as in the first months after meeting. The same applies to women: when you understand that there is a distance between you and your husband, you try to do everything possible to be desirable and interesting for a man. It is these relationships that will fuel your passion for years to come.
Business trips, fishing for your husband or a weekend with friends in the country for you are all good reasons to part for a short time and then meet with pleasure. But, even if it is not possible to leave somewhere regularly, try to organize your life in such a way that each of the spouses has their own interests and their own occupations. A hobby will help you maintain your individuality, do not forget about your own interests and, ultimately, maintain your husband’s interest in you. Think of those activities that brought you pleasure before. Recently, you abandoned them, because there is always not enough time? This state of things needs to be fixed. Be sure to find time for yourself - at least a couple of hours a week. It can be yoga, sports, dancing, photography, or just weekly tea with friends. And do not mind if your husband will also have such activities - without you.
Do you think there should be no secrets in marriage? Psychologists disagree with this
Many spouses believe that a happy marriage implies complete frankness. But in fact, if there is no secret in the partner, then there is no passion in marital relations. It is unsolved puzzles that attract people to each other. And men are most interested in those women who are interesting to themselves. Remember this.
BACK TO THE FUTUREOld rule: try to get to know each other as best as possible. New rule: try to discover something new in each other.
Sex with a new partner is primarily attractive thanks to the thrill. You know nothing about each other and anticipation of what might happen becomes a powerful aphrodisiac for both of you. Therefore, in order to return the acuity of sensations to marital sex, you need to go beyond the routine.
Of course, the ideal option is to go somewhere together. For a week, a weekend, or at least one night. Or send children to grandmother, turn off the phones and stay alone in your own home. The most important thing is to postpone all things and emotionally return to those carefree times when you did not have loans, children, pets, and many household chores. And when at a meeting you talked only about you two and were engaged only in each other.
And if you can neither leave nor send the children to grandmothers, put the kids to bed and talk over the time when you just started dating with a cup of tea or a glass of wine. How do you remember the day you met? What attracted your attention at the first moment? How did you try to impress each other? If several years have passed since then, try to look at your husband with an impartial attitude: is this the man you once married? Or has he changed a lot, but have you not even noticed? What interests him now - perhaps you know much less about this than you think?THANKS TO HORMONES Old rule: to love the life of your husband. New rule: fall in love with him every day.
Remember how you felt when you fell in love with your husband? A constant wacky smile on his face, butterflies in his stomach, goosebumps run all over his body as soon as he touches you ... And all this thanks to hormones! The feeling of novelty and excitement that engulfs us at the beginning of the novel arises from the increased production of dopamine and norepinephrine. It is these hormones that are responsible for the explosion of feelings. In addition, they raise testosterone levels, which in turn enhances sexual desire. As soon as the feeling of novelty becomes dull, the amount of these hormones in the body gradually decreases and passions subside.
26% of married women believe that jealousy on the part of the husband is a sign of true love
But here is the good news: we can consciously increase the production of the same hormones. Any activity that causes an adrenaline rush (in the bedroom or beyond) also raises the level of dopamine in the brain. And thanks to this, vivid feelings come back. So try together something extreme: hiking in the mountains, skiing, rafting, dancing or even watching a horror movie or thriller.
The same principle applies in the bedroom. Try to escape from the vicious circle of routine sex. Do something new, maybe not even too comfortable for you. Try to talk frankly with your husband about sex, and maybe about your feelings during sex? Rejection of the familiar and comfortable can cause no less intense adrenaline rush than a joint rafting on mountain rivers. It is thanks to adrenaline that sex after reconciliation is so vivid.
MOST FAVORABLE AND ATTRACTIVE Old rule: watch your husband so that he does not cheat on you. New rule: take care of yourself, and your husband will not cheat on you.
When was the last time you did something solely to feel attractive and sexy? Can't remember? Then one should not be surprised that in relations with her husband there is less and less romance. When we just start dating a man, we pay maximum attention to our appearance. But after marriage and the birth of children, when there are so many other worries, many women relax. Mentally return to the time when you felt attractive and desirable. What clothes did you wear? What was your gait? What did you do to keep fit? Try to regain that attitude to life and to yourself.
And now remember how you behaved with your future husband at the very beginning of your romance. How did you look at him? How did you touch him? How did you make love? When a woman literally radiates sexuality, no man can resist her. Try to pretend that you have not been together for several years, but only for a few days. When you are alone with your husband, try to get out of the role of mother and wife, and become just a woman in love who likes to flirt and provoke. AT THE TIME NEEDED Old rule: the more often, the better. New rule: less often but better.
Remember how everything was at the beginning of your relationship. You didn’t immediately switch to sex, right? Most likely, you did not have the opportunity to see each other every day, and waiting for a new meeting seemed almost more pleasant than the date itself. And then, not every meeting you ended in sex. Sometimes you just went to the cinema or had dinner or walked around the city. But all you could think of was the moment you finally ended up in bed.
Maybe you want to return a piece of that passionate anticipation in your measured family life? There are two ways to do this. Firstly, do not strive for sex on a schedule, because "it is necessary." The fact is that each pair has its own ideas about what is “needed” and what is not. If you have a busy period at work or at home, try to have sex, for example, not once a week, as you used to, but once in two. Wait for the moment when you really miss each other - the sensations will be completely different.
Another option is to take a conscious break in sex. For a week, for two, for a month - in a word, for any period that seems to you quite long. And it may very well be that after a while you will be surprised to notice that you are sending each other playful messages and looking forward to when you finally find yourself in bed.
TALKTalk with your husband about what attracted you to each other in the early years of marriage.
Did the smell of his perfume drive you crazy? Or did you enjoy sex in broad daylight when you both skipped work? Have a shower together? Have sex in the car? Perhaps in vain you have refused these joys under the pretext that you are now decent people and honest parents?
PHOTO: FOTOBANK / GETTY